User talk:Matoro58

Howdy
Yes... I've been intentionally vague about the female Makuta in the Fractures Universe. :P Her name is Scarla. She was originally created by Chicken Bond after he mentioned her briefly in Punishment. As I already had plans for a similar-sounding Makuta (who was going to be called "Jetro"), we merged the creations. She has an article on CBW and will appear in Zero Hour.

Of course, I don't want to give anything away at this point. :P I trust that you are responsible with information and, because you are such a committed fan of my storyline, I feel inclined to share more of my secrets with you. :P

I can only give vague answers and I don't want to go on into specifics. :P

I won't comment on Mesa at all, because her role is too integral to the climax of Judgment Day.

Unfortunately, Vendetta doesn't focus that much on the wider Toa Metru team. :P After Tollubo passes out in a drunken heap at the end of Over Your Shoulder, the reader gets the sense that he is a mess. The final chapters of Frozen Calling take place around thre months after the events of Over Your Shoulder, where he's started to clean himself up with the help of Tourik, Gribrak and (surprise surprise) Turaga Vilnius. :P

Basically, Vilnius has realized that it was a mistake to treat him like a normal Toa. So he's been tasked with doing things that Toa don't normally do. He does a lot of the dirty work: forming truces between local gangs in their territory, taking a daytrip to Zakaz with a Toa Metru taskforce and wiping out all the Visorak and Rahkshi, the occasional assassination, and - in Vendetta - making a criminal pay compensation for a crime he committed. :P

It's a fairly simple story, only two chapters long. Tollubo goes to Po-Metru, where an upper class Steltian is sitting in his mansion. :P Basically the guy (who is intentionally forgettable and unexciting) injured a group of Le-Matoran refugees, who came to Po-Metru after their village was destroyed by Rahkshi. After the Law Enforcement got involved, it was decided that he had to pay for their injuries, but he refuses to pay the cash. Thus, Tollubo gets sent in to "persuade" him to cough up the cash. :P

Basically, it's just a short, bite-sized story meant to make Tollubo look badass. :P He needs to rebuild his integrity and show the readers that he is capable of redemption.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Vunto appears after the scene, but I don't think I ever said Tanish would appear. :P Do you mean Rola? Because she makes a brief appearance. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Yep. :P The name Rola originally went to the creation that would one day become Sarnii. Back then I used silver in place of the white and she wore a trans-blue Ruru.

As for Selac, I have to be honest. I'm afraid that I really don't like how he's been cursed into continually coming back to life. It's just not plausible and it doesn't make for the origins of a great character. It's like a cleanly-shaven Wolverine in that sense.

However, there is some promise. I like the mentionings of his activities on Zakaz and Xia. Up till that point it's promising.

But the article is just clogged full of too much stuff. There's no way he would've done half of it. The story about him and Mazeka seems too bare to merit being included in the article and it's a bit boring seeing the repetition of how many different times he's died in each comflict.

The grammar could use with a couple of tweaks to get rid of the slang but, overall, it's a fairly decent article. You've got all the key sections and a nice little bit about his character. I'd give the article a 6.5/10 if I were rating it (which I have done in the past). My only recommendations are clipping down all the unnecessary stuff and revising exactly why you need him to be immortal. It doesn't make for a great reading experience if you know a character can't die. I think you need to get rid of that and not include him in at least one of those two Toa teams. You've made him into a character who stretches too far across the chain of canon events to the point where it's just not plausible. :


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

It's OK, I understand. :P

Ah, I hadn't thought of that. :( I'm going to have to say no, unfortunately. There's a Turaga of Ice that I'm using in Zero Hour, who I want to be on the team, as well as a female Olmak-wearer, Prozuke and Vormahk. Plus I'm laying it out similarly to the BIONICLE: Dark Hunters Guide where I have a picture on one side then a short bio on the other and there isn't a picture of him.

I may reconsider in future... or we could merge the Zero Hour Turaga with Selac to make them the same character. :P I'm a bit fearful that Selac sounds similar to Salaak and, in this case, it would be integral that he wore a Mask of Biomechanics. :S


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Yep, sounds cool. :P I'm creating a Toa Team of sorts for Tourik in the Fractures Guide. I'm revamping Vormahk and trying to build Prozuke the same as ToaHydros' version. You'll probably have to ask his permission if you want to use his characters. He'll probably let you use them but ask nicely anyway. :P

I was planning on building the two other Toa and, in a twist of events, I thought it would be a good idea to have the Olmak-wearer be a female. :P The one who died unwillingly is going to be a Toa of Iron. You're welcome to use these creations as well as I don't plan on doing much with them and it would save you having to think up new ones. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

1 I painted one of my Olmaks black. And I have plenty of paint. I think I'll stick to the Toa of Iron being the sacreficed Toa.

I'm not sure what you mean about Tollubo here.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Yes, they both are, but Golyo won't be mentioned by name. :P He's just a random Miru-wearing Po-Matoran who Tollubo doesn't know personally. I like to think he's Golyo though. It brings a little bit more canon to the alternate universe. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Sure. :P They're just tablescraps that I didn't name.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, part of the magic of having an alternate universe is seeing alternate representations of canon characters rather than fanon. Chiefly, my story revolves around fanon characters in an alternate universe and I want to change some of that to attract a wider audience. Plus the black Arthron was too similar to Toa Sonitous. :P

I'm not too sure what you mean about Cobarox. I'm going to reveal this is Zero Hour but Makuta Scarla was the Makuta who fixed Cobarox after his Cordak Blaster accident. In the Core BIONICLE Universe she is dead, so she didn't heal him, so Cobarox died. :P

Orde, however, clearly survived. His death was due to Teridax's absence, which greatly affected the Brotherhood of Makuta. Without leadership the Makuta just invaded the universe with no clear plan. This there was far more bloodshed, which occurred before the Toa/Dark Hunter War. Inevitably, Orde was killed in one such knock-on effect. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

No, that proves that Cobarox can be alive in the Fractures Universe. :P That's like blaming any living BoM servant for killing a Toa. I can confirm that Cobarox definitely did not kill Orde. I like to think that Thode or Racasix was behind it but I'm not going to reveal a killer as I want the mystery to be left unsolved and it has no storyline significance other than Chapter 10 of Whispers in the Dark.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Again, I refer back to my above comment. :P

And it is by no means "pretty obvious." XD You're just guessing there.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well there's nothing linking the Cult of Darkness or even Terminator to the killing and the Dark Hunters hold a pretty sizeable suspect pool. :P It could just as easily have been Gribrak. And, like I said before, no killer has been picked. I want to leave the mystery unsolved. :P

If you think it's Terminator who killed Orde with a harpoon gun then believe that. :P I'm just telling you that I haven't picked a killer at all and don't intend to, so therefore it's not obvious as to who the murderer is. :P

Plus I've only hinted that Terminator will be killed. :P In later posts I admitted that I may or may not have been telling the truth then.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Yep, that's correct, though I believe I've mentioned a few other things. :P Don't forget I'm introducing a new wave of Toa in Judgment Day and I'm currently open to some suggestions for Matoran characters who fans want to see become Toa, though I have handpicked a couple in particular. :P

Tollubo will make his first appearance in Judgment Day in a different disguise. However, he will revert back to his Over Your Shoulder form thereafter. It's my favorite form and he feels sentimentally attached to it as it was what he wore when Racasix brought him back down to earth (Of course, he'll have a brand new Kanohi Suletu seeing as she stole his and replaced it with a Kaukau). As J-Day will be split into two parts though, I'm not sure whether I should have him adopt this form in the second half, or have him use it throughout both parts. What do you think? :P

I'll need to know more about this wiki and your plans for use of my characters before I can consider this to be honest. I don't know what you're proposing so I can't say yes until I know more, I'm afraid. :S


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

I'm gonna have to say no here. :P I have no interest in moving my story to this website and I would not feel comfortable with my creations being visible to an unfamiliar audience.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, there was nothing really there that was in the form of a question for me to answer. :P The OYS one will be his final form that he finishes the story in for reasons yet to be revealed.

I'm not sure where I am in Legends of Anarchy but I'll give you some feedback when I next get around to reading it. :P My apologies, but this week is pretty busy for me with a mixture of my summer job and driving lessons. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Okey dokie. I'll give it a read the next time I have a free spell, though I'm going to be working a night shift for the next two days (I'm a Kitchen Porter in the garden center at the end of my street) so my response will be delayed somewhat. :/

By all means. :P You don't need to ask me for permission. XD Wikia is a free community. You can join whichever sites you want. I have several creations over there and a number of short stories of my own. :P Plus the community is very active and always welcoming to new users.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Awesome. :D Just remember that, on CHFW, all story pages need the word Forum in front of them. :P We don't allow the name itself. Over Your Shoulder would violate our policy whereas Forum: Over Your Shoulder would be acceptable.

Have fun. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

OK, but these are the last two I'll allow you to use. You need to start distancing yourself from my storyline. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

OK, well if you just want to use one of my characters as a dead body then I think you're starting to take my kind offer for granted. You can use Orsta but I'm not happy with just having Knox appear as a corpse. Seems like an unnecessary waste of a character ripe for expansion.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Is it absolutely necessary that he wears a Mahiki? Because I can't guarantee that I'll be able to paint a great Mahiki. I can create Mata red parts, but Metru red is a little out of my league for the moment. Either way, I will treat it as a MOC request. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Sooo... something along the lines of this but with a black Mahiki and no grey parts? :P

And, indeed, you are right, though I currently lack the inspiration to get around to writing the short Epilogue, it will be appropriately awesome. Do you have any theories?


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Thank you, that's very kind. :P The general plot is actually deeply personal to me because the Glacii character was adapted from an idea that my Grandfather had. We were discussing characters for a mystery novel that I wanted to write back in 2006 (I didn't see it through to the end and it was originally going to involve real people) and he suggested having the chief of police being the villain. :P Unfortunately he passed away a few months later. If he hadn't passed I don't think I would have bothered to make Glacii anywhere near as llikable as I did. It means a great deal to me that you think so highly of the story. :P

Interesting theory. ;) I guess you'll find out how close it is soon.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

I'm glad you noticed. :D I changed it because of the mixed reaction to Bohrok X's Dalek-like appearance. What I'm going to do is have the Bohrok Kal handling the swarm (their Krana are corrupted by Bohrok X, a creation of the Brotherhood of Makuta). Then I'm going to re-introduce Bohrok X in a more insectoid, titan form.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

... XD To be honest, I'm a little surprised that you don't know this as Daleks have been appeared in many different forms of media and are known all over the world.

A Dalek is fictional alien species originating from the TV Show, Doctor Who. The Dalek itself is basically a Krana that is plugged into a machine, very similarly to a Bohrok. :P When I built Bohrok X I wanted to highlight the similarities between Bohrok and Daleks but a lot of people have expressed a negative reaction to it and feel that my creation is too similar to the original Dalek stimulus.

Thus, I will be revamping Bohrok X to look more like this, only more insectoid.
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, seeing as our stories are set in two alternate universes, it allows us to pull off tricks like that. In the DoDU, Lothorna obviously didn't become a Toa and she didn't in yours because the chain of events was different, Plus nobody's going to really make the connection between our two stories and analyze is to thoroughly.

As for Selac, I'd like to take a shot at building him myself, using Kualus' Kanohi as his Mask of Stasis Fields. Are you OK with this proposal?

Plus, remember, the Toa Valmai aren't exclusively my Toa Team. I don't decide what qualifies into them. Selac is more than welcome into their ranks.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Though it's only a recent development, yes, Lothorna would have been the Toa in Jovan's Team in many alternate universes. However, in the Deserts of Death Universe, she was not and the Olmak was given to a different Matoran to use.

Sure, you can use those characters. I have no plans to write a story set around that period, I just wanted to establish something for Jovan's Team so that I could link Autolycus to Lothorna and Tourik for the sake of my own story.

I won't be doing individual profiles for each team member since they have a very small impact on Tourik's personal life and not a lot on the Fractures Universe, but I will build all the team members for one picture. I can also paint Kanohi masks white now. Unfortunately they will all be slightly-adapted Inika builds (Probably about as complex as the original Tourik or some of Vorred's current creations), but what points do you want me to keep in mind while building Selac? Any specific coloring patterns?


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

I'll look into building him next. I've given Prozuke priority for Kualus' Kanohi by Toa Hydros hasn't responded to me either so I may just give the creation one of the 2001 "golden Kanohi" (similarly to Toa Danza) and give you the Kualus Kanohi for Selac. :P I would also be happy to create a simple Inika form for him around this point as well as a more complex modern day form.

Don't feel that you have to transform Lothorna into a Toa. We can always change the characters in the Toa Valmai and I'm not even sure how deeply this effects the semi-canon that I've established in Tethys, so it's still open to change. I'm fine with the roles of my characters. My only request is that you find a way to make Tourik really sarcastic and pessimistic. That's his trademark characteristic. :P

That certainly is true, but keep in mind that Carnac was not "fixed", he just traveled around the Southern Continent a lot.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Unfortunately that suggestion is already in use.

Not really, I'm afraid. That's far too depressing a quote, and Tourik isn't depressing, just sarcastic. I'd suggest some of these, though I've already used a couple of them for him when he appeared in Frozen Calling.

He's probably more likely to tease another member of the group:


 * Lothorna: "Are we there yet?"
 * Tourik: "Yes, Lothorna, we're there. You can totally see the bottom of those 777 steps, the Kanohi Ignika, and a whole pile of Mask of Life guardians stacked up in a pile."
 * Lothona: "You're a real jerk, you know that, right?"
 * Tourik: "Congratulations, you'll be famous for saying those words when we go down in history for discovering the Ignika."

Hope that helps. It's really bad because i'm about to go to work but at least it's something. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Nah, I only use original stuff for Thode. :P

That quote works well. I approve. :3 I can't wait to read the story when it comes out. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Awesome. :P I'll give you some long-overdue feedback over the next few days. :P

Also, I'll most likely be writing the next chapter of Night of the Long Knives tonight and guess which story I'm going to read for inspiration. :D

( * cough, cough STORM WARNING! cough, cough * )


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Some very informed, well-researched guessed, but what about females? ;) Glonor could be a female in the Fractures Universe. Anything can be different.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, I had an entire story about Kazat tracking down the DoDU Karabak down and killing him but, since I'm considering the DoDU to be largely non-canon (I'm planning on rewriting things so that Tollubo and his group came from the Core BIONICLE Universe's Matoran Universe) and I'm changing my story so it never existed, it's not looking like he'll be making a return. :(

But I really don't want to throw away Tethys and all the cool stuff that happened there. So I'm going to rewrite things so that Tollubo and his group get on to Spherus Magna and discover Tethys themselves. I may link it to Annona or something and I'll definitely be thinking about rewriting large chunks of the story so it fits as a starting point, but I don't have any plans for Kazat. I'd always planned on having him kind a way to break through the dimensional barrier to find Tollubo in the Fractures Universe but, like I said, I have no current plans for him. :P I like to think that his actions remain ambiguous, that he is the last hero left to watch over the DoDU, or at least that was my original intention. Now that it's non-canon I don't know what happened to him. :P

If I'm honest, I'd completely forgotten about him. XD


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, most of the pictures (around 60%) have been taken and most of the script is complete. However, I don't have any experience making comics and I don't have any comic making software. I've asked for the software that Vorred uses for my birthday, which is at the end of the month. My target is to get all filming/scripting done before then, so I can just turn everything into a comic.

Regardless, the first installment will be out by August 31st, which is my target date. However, no target date is really set in stone as I'm just one guy filming a comic. :P

Also, I can't really comment on many of these predictions, but they are very well-informed and very plausible guesses, I will say. :P Gorta will appear in an epilogue and, between you and I, Glonor will appear in Zero Hour, but he  won't  be a pre-existing character from my story. He'll be a brand new character we've never seen before, the one who smuggles the Avohkii out of the Brotherhood's possession following the death of Takanuva. :P

But that guess about Bohrok X planning on destroying Karda Nui is actually something neither Abc8920 nor I had planned, and I really like the idea. :P Falling in the Black is a close examination into the lives of Matoran and life on the Southern Continent. The villagers are warriors and are very tribal. The biggest threat they can anticipate is their land being invaded by Bohrok. The possibility of Bohrok X wanting to destroy the Universe Core hadn't really entered our minds.

But I'll have a word with Abc8920 and see if we can work that idea into the final chapters. :P If we can then I'll write a little footnote in the trivia section of Falling in the Black, crediting you for the idea. :P
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

A close guess. ;)

But, unfortunately, it's not true. :/ That really is the Dorvan from Vorred's comics. He gave me permission to use the character. :P

Additionally, Vorred allowed me to use Theran as a Toa-Matoran, though he will be killed off in a similar manner to how he impaled Glonor in Patriots. ;) It's an inside joke that we have. XD


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Oh, I have different plans for Bioka. ;)

That chapter was indeed inspired by the song. :P It was the first American song that I heard when I went to Orlando on holiday in 2005 and I think that it's very powerful. :P It was totally the mood that I wanted to capture in that small scene.
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Some very accurate guesses, once again. But, bare in mind that the decision to include Dorvan was a very recent one and I hadn't thought about it at all when I started making those rumors. :P Additionally, Sonitous is another of Chicken Bond's creations.

Still, a good chunk of these are correct. :P Well done.
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, unfortunately, I can't comment on Sonitous' storyline significance. The association between Tiam and the Onu-Matoran Santis mentioned is an interesting one but, given the fact that much of the DoDU is being cancelled and considered non-canon it would be risky to link back to it like that. However, you are right. It is entirely possible that Santis could have encountered Tiam at some point in his dimensional travels. It is also entirely possible that he was in a synchronized custard swimming team and that he was a pop singer in other dimensions. :P We will find out very soon thought.

As for the Jutlin, it was used because of the Jutlin's symbolic value of corruption. :P It doesn't necessarily mean that Scarla wears a Jutlin but that is a good guess. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

The guide is still in production stages, but I hope that it will be worth the wait. :P
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!


 * Well, my depiction of Metru-Nui is actually based around post World War 2. :P This is most evident in Chapter 2 of WitD, where you see Matoran actually packing up sandbags and barbed wire. I actually didn't make that connection at all. XD
 * I'm not sure that's such a good idea seeing as your target audience consists of impressionable young BIONICLE fans and you might have some issues with the decency policy but it certainly would be more interesting.
 * Kinky. XD Any Matoran you plan on pairing together and reproducing? :P
 * Like the James Bond character? :P
 * Like Wolverine? XD Nah, I jest. Might this species have something to do with the Red Star?
 * Another nice choice. In WitD I established that there were 6 Toa still left... except for Caliga and Santis and Leontes and Gorta and Tollubo and Jollun.... XD Twenty is a good number and I look forward to seeing your idea develop.
 * Aww man. XD I don't think you should've have told me that last little detail.

Wow, I think that Dear Agony seems similar to Over Your Shoulder but I really can't wait to read these. :D They seem really good, and I would love to see how much my work has inspired you. :D

Well, just make sure that he doesn't look too much like either creation and, if he does, give CB and I credit. :P I doubt it'll be a problem but it's always good to see one of my creations inspiring someone, particularly a character as interesting as Thode. :P

As for this Cult of Darkness gang, both characters seem interesting. I particularly like the sound of this Skakdi of Psionics. We haven't had many of them and, so long as you can pull it off, it should make for an interesting treat. :D

I will, undoubtedly, be looking out for your story and it's future developments. It really is quite inspiring to know that I have such a committed follower, whose own story so closely reflects my own. It shows you have a real, tangible understanding of both my story and the direction that you want to go in. :D

If you need help, support, or even want me to guest write or plan a chapter with you I'd be more than happy to and, as always, you'll have my support. :P I'll give you a mention in my next monthly update to try and throw some readers your way. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

A Continuation of awesomeness!
Well, Vesper is the name of one of James Bond's Bond girls who dies and, to commemorate her death, he has a signature martini, which he names the Vesper, for it's bitter taste. :P Vespers is also Latin for stormy evening.

Anyway, I'll have a lookout for that book. It really does sound interesting. What genre is it? :P

Hmm, very Frozen Calling. XD Hewkii and Macku were indeed a cute couple and I've always wondered what it would be like for them if Toa Hewkii ever returned to her. A Toa and a Matoran as star-crossed lovers. ;)

That sounds like an interesting species. :P I imagine that they have something to do with the evolution of the Matoran species, eventually becoming Bohrok. Were they created by Mata Nui or by the Great Beings? :P

Hmm, I'm not sure it's such a good idea. :S Sure, it brings a darker spin on the BIONICLE franchise but, do remember this is a kids toy line and I don't think it's right to bring in things like that unless it's absolutely necessary.

...Smash it and replace it with a Ruru... it's more useful. XD

Nah, I like the shape of the Kaukua, but I just don't think it's a very practical mask. :P It's like having a Mask of Air Breathing or a Mask of Fire Breathing. XD It's very specific to one element and I don't like that, especially if a story is taking place on Voya Nui or Karda Nui or Metru Nui, where there aren't any practical uses for it. Still, I'm sure you have good reasoning behind such a... questionable Kanohi. XD

A Skakdi of Fire? A Zeverek? A Vortixx? A Steltian Laborer? Glatorian in the Matoran Universe? I thought only I could get away with that. XD Again, some more interesting choices. What is the name of this gang? :P

In particular, I like the sounds of this member of Ehlek's species and the upper class Steltian. We haven't seen many of those. :P

In the the Nothing sounds nice, and I can't wait to see how you choose to depict the Southern Continent. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Hmmm, trust Mutran and Chirox to "experiment." XD All in all, this sounds like an excellent idea. :D It's not very often that we get people wanting to build a Dark Hunter species and expand on their backstories, and you've chosen a very challenging one. :P Their backstory seems plausible. I like it. :D

Tollubo falls over unconscious and becomes the next Vorred, spending all of his time passed out during important battles. XD

It sounds like you're developing quite the model dystopian universe. :P

As for the chapter, it seems great. :D There are a few spelling mistakes but it's very original and witty. The characters are nice, though it seems a little like two-shallow-henchmen-and-one-head-honcho. I would perhaps add more to Hynrek and Nerhek to expand them. :P

The mentioning of Zaria was nice, though I think a Sanok doesn't fit him. If you recall, Zaria was a very calculating and thoughtful character while Orde was the blunt and assertive one. I think something like a Huna or a Mask of Conjuring would be better fitting. :P

I'd rate the chapter 8/10. The only drawbacks for me were the lack of descriptive language, the length, and the spelling errors, but they'll be easy to fix and it's still a very good chapter. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

No, I want to read it all now! XD Nah, take all the time you need to make sure it's as good as you want it to be. :P Don't do what I did and launch straight into it with a directionless Whispers in the Dark. :P My original plan was for WitD to be the only/final story in the Fractures Universe and for it to end with the Toa invading Bara Magna.

I can't wait to see these stories take shape and, as always, I'll be recommending them in my blog posts. :D

You are correct about Zaria, and it's annoying how little information has been revealed about the character. However, here's what I'm going to do for The Powers That Should Be:
 * Chiara: Volitak
 * Orde: Pakari
 * Zaria: Mask of Conjuring (Primary) Rau (Secondary)

I think it's silly for Toa to only use one Kanohi, particularly when a second Kanohi can come in so useful. But, then again, you don't really need a second Kanohi when you're using a Mask of Conjuring, but still. You don't want to be vulnerable while you're translating. :P

It would be nice if we could link our stories together and have these three characters wearing the same Kanohi. :P Who knows, other people might follow and it might reach Greg F one day. :P

Again, these are interesting plans and I can't wait to see how they expand. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

I see you've added Bomonga. :P I'd be interested to see how you'll depict him and I'd be very interested in seeing a potential MOC version of him. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

True, but a Kanohi is often befitting of the character. :P Nidhiki with his Volitak, Onua with his Pakari, Lewa with his Miru, Gali with her Kaukua, Vakama with his Huna, Whenua with his Ruru. :P Granted, that's not always the case, but it's nice to have some similarity between the Kanohi and the user. :P

Awesome. :P I'll look out for it.


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Hmmm, where did you get the inspiration for Turaga Kongu and that female Vortixx? XD

I look forward to seeing how that Toa of Stone pans out, as well as your twist on the Bohrok with the skynet system, but I'd try not to pluck it from so famous a franchise. It seems a little cheap, especially with how overexposed and hollywood Terminator Salvation was. Plus, if it's based underground then it doesn't really have anything to do with any kind of sky. :P I'm try and think of a more BIONICLE-fitting name.

But still, there are several very original ideas here and I really do look forward to seeing them take shape. :P I'm a little rushed for time at the moment but I'll give that Prologue a read as soon as I get the chance. Keep up the good work! :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Awesome. This all sounds promising. :) I have to admit, I'm not great at reading other people's stories as I spend the majority of my free time focusing on my own. But, if you keep me updated with when a new chapter is posted, I'll dive right in there. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

I did indeed see the similarity to the Dark Hunters guide there and it was nicely done. :P Very Greg Farshtey. XD

Overall, I liked it a lot. :P It's a nice little addition to your story that fits in well with the canon BIONICLE storyline. :P

This line here is an interesting one, but I think it can be improved:

My agents saw the hate in his eye, the glimmer of Dark Hunter madness, driven to stuff Muaka dung in your mouth, a Kane-Ra at your rear, and daggers in your back.

There's a bit of repetition, particuarly of the words "my agents" and "once", which kind of mess with the fluent flow of the snippet, but that line has a lot of potential and I can really see where you're coming from with it. :P

All in all, it's a nice little extract that is plausible as a real entry into the saga Guide. You've done an excellent job. :D


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Awesome. I can't wait to see MOC forms of these guys. :P They sound like they're really going to be something special and it would be nice to put a face to the name, so to speak. :P

Oooh, I like that idea. :D Plenty of action, some interesting characters, and an excellent origin story for Hylla. :D It sounds wonderful.

That sounds like an exciting plan, though I would avoid killing off characters unnecessarily. The death of Auron is a bit sketchy with a Boggarak just appearing. I like to think that a Turaga could defeat a single Visorak. Remember, he does still wear a Noble Calix and have minuscule Earth powers. But it's entirely your choice what his fat is. :P

Hmm, well I had a little list of all the MOC requests that I had but, unfortunately, I seem to have lost it. :/ Alicaer was one of the first ones on that list if I recall and I've actually set aside all the relevant pieces to build him. If I recall correctly the only requirements were for him to have a Metruan Toa build, red and black armor, and he had to have a black Mahiki, yes? :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Well, I won't stand in the way. :P I see no problem with the character being killed off, I just think that the manner of death could be a little more... glorified. :P I've killed off a character by having his Chute Shuttle get attacked by a Chute Lurker and, to this day, I can't tell you why I decided to do that. :P It was purely an impulse kill but, at the same time, had a spontaneous and random nature to it.

Auron's death should, I think, be symbolic. As a Turaga his role is very important and the death of a Turaga is a big deal. I think having one of the members of the VC appear to kill him is a good choice, but I would use a lot of descriptive focus to link his death to the setting. Maybe his staff falls out of his hands and off the Coliseum, teetering down into nothingness. :P

Alicaer will be built swiftly. :P I'm going to continue adding to my current New MOCs blog. I'm revamping the entire 2001 Turaga cast and will give them infoboxes on that blog, as well as some reshoots of Aescela and Chorrum's pictures. Alicaer can easily be added. :P

My only concern is that tomorrow is my final day at home. I move out and go to university on Saturday and won't be online again until next week. :/ I'll either add pictures of the creation tomorrow... or next weekend when I come home again. But I will do my best to construct the creation for tomorrow. You've waited long enough. :P
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Fair enough. I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job and I look forward to the scene in question.

Nuju was, for a time my favorite of the Toa Metru, but I began to broaden my horizon and not just like the Ice characters. Nokama, Matau and Onewa really seem to stand out to me now and, in terms of Turaga, I think that Nuju is often the weirdest one to write for, with all the clicks and whistles, that is. :P

Gaaki, Iruini or Bomonga would be my favorite Toa Hagah, though we haven't seen a lot of them and they're not all that interesting if you ask me.

Still, best of luck for your future plans. :D
 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!

Indeed, I've gone back on my vow not to edit on weekdays. :P I no longer care what people think if they see my internet history and, to be honest, who really cares what sites I go on. :P I'm living with a bunch of 18-year-olds. They most likely look at... far worse while on the internet. :S

Glad to hear that school is going well. :P Those creations sound very nice, but you needn't worry about any similarities to the Toa Noma. :P They're being discontinued, along with the rest of the DoDU and are no longer considered part of my story. :P You can use them if you want. :P

You Tahu Nuva revamp should be a treat, but why did you kill of Kualus!? :O Nah, I'm kidding. XD Iruini is a very nice choice and I'm actually going to be featuring him in The Powers That Should Be. :P Maybe we could share notes at some point and give each other tips for writing the character.

The last few creations sound very impressive and I can't want to see the fruits of your labor. :D

Hmm, thirty chapters is quite a long story, and remember, some of this stuff isn't really necessary. Going over things like Kongu's past aren't really needed, unless it's massively different from the canon story. :P I'm fearful that you could be cramming a lot of stuff into one story, stuff that you could perhaps condense. :P I wrote Whispers in the Dark and my biggest regret is that I put too much effort into it. :P I made it way too big and the writing process was not fun at all. :P It was draining and susceptible to my every passing whim. :P Killing Lhikan off was a last minute change that didn't really have any meaning behind it and I really regret trying to cram so many events into it. I would be more than happy to help you writing process if you so wish and I would even be open to guest writing a chapter or two. :P


 * Bob The  Doctor  27  SAVE THE BANANA! Its a good source of Potassium!