User blog comment:Hyperborean/New quotes, volume 2!/@comment-5169087-20121003191817

Leo vs. Narcissus & nymphs

“’I’m the Super-sized McShizzle, man!’ Leo said. ‘I’m Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy.’”

“’ You know why his bow has cobwebs?’ Leo continued. ‘He uses it to hunt for dates, but he can’t find one!’”

"'You know how ugly Narcissus is?' Leo asked the crowd. 'He's so ugly, when he was born his mama thought he was a backward centaur - with a horse butt for a face.'" 

“Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. ‘Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus – only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever checks it out.’”

“’Amazing at pure suck,’ Leo said. ‘If I was as suck as you, I’d drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.’”

“’Scrawny?’ Leo asked. ‘Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot. And I GOT the scrawny Narcissus? He’s such a loser even the Underworld didn’t want him. He couldn’t get the ghost girls to date him.’”

“’Ow!’ [Narcissus] yelled very attractively. ‘My manicure!’”

Percy & Annabeth, middle of the night

“’Shut up, Seaweed Brain,’ [Annabeth] ordered. ‘Just hold me for a while.”’

Percy & Coach Hedge

“’Besides,’ Percy said,  ‘you’re starting to sound like Terminus.’”

“Hedge narrowed his eyes. ‘Is that an insult, Jackson? ‘Cause I’ll – I’ll terminus you, buddy!’”

Percy, Frank, & Coach Hedge, Percy and Frank in Phorcy’s tank, Frank as giant koi

“Hedge ran to the glass. He held up his palms like: ''What are you doing in there, Jackson?” ''

“Percy pounded his fist on the glass and mouthed: Break it!

“Hedge yelled a question that might have been: Where’s Frank?”

“Percy pointed at the giant koi.”

“Frank waved his left dorsal fin. ''‘Sup?” ''

… … 

“Frank turned to human and shoved his shoulder against the glass. The coach did a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick with his hoof.”

Retelling of story in Phorcy and Keto’s aquarium

“Annabeth remembered Percy’s comment about Frank turning into a giant goldfish, and she resisted the urge to smile. She would never be able to look at the big guy again without seeing him as a koi.”

Frank trying to escape from Chinese handcuffs, after retelling

“Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.”

“’Well done, Frank Zhang,’ Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. ‘That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.’”