Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24067344-20150417220553/@comment-3323804-20150422025439

I'm going to forewarn that I did not read the entire story so I really cannot comment on the plot. Maybe if I have time I'll go back to look at the rest.

That being said though, the parts I did read were alright. I think it would help to take a moment to think about the grammar because it deters me in spending time reading it if you can't take the time to figure out what you want capitalized. I understand artistic license with writing, but you can only rationalize that out so far until it loses purpose.

It seems you are focused more on humor rather than explanation. I understand Riordan has Percy take on a humorous role sometimes but it doesn't overwhelm the story or even the exposition of the novel. It is hard reading your story because it seems like you try to hard to make it funny. Similarly, your tone is excessively casual. It seems more like a stream of consciousness than exposition or rising action.

On the other hand, there is a real voice to the story. While I personally think it's too excessive in sarcasm and humor to be Percy's, I think the concerted effort is worthy of praise.