User blog comment:Hyperborean/New quotes, volume 2!/@comment-178.148.171.77-20121011203847

“If you ever leave me again,” she said, her eyes stinging, “I swear to all the gods—”

Percy had the nerve to laugh. Suddenly the lump of heated emotions melted inside Annabeth.

“Consider me warned,” Percy said. “I missed you, too.”

“And this is Annabeth,” Jason said. “Uh, normally she doesn’t judo-flip people.”

"No wonder they made you praetor."

Octavian snorted, "Which means we now have three praetors! The rule clearly states we can only have two!"

"On the bright side," Percy said, "both Jason and I outrank you, Octavian. So we can bothtell you to shut up."

“I’ll step aside for Jason,” Percy said easily. “It’s no biggie.”

“No biggie?” Octavian choked. “The praetorship of Rome is no biggie?”

Piper twisted the feather in her hair. “Like water leaking through a dam,” she suggested.

“Yeah.” Percy smiled. “We’ve got a dam hole.”

“What?” Piper asked.

“Nothing,” he said. “Inside joke.

“Look, kid,” Hedge said, “you blew up some stuff. You attacked some Romans. Awesome! Excellent! But did you have to knock out the satellite channels? I was right in the middle of watching a cage match.”

“So,” Frank said. “Your name isn’t Sammy?”

Leo scowled. “What kind of question is that?”

Frank helped him up. “Who is Festus?”

“My friend,” Leo said. “His name isn’t Sammy either, in case you’re wondering. Come on. I’ll

introduce you.”

“So…you have to repeat everything?” he asked.

“Everything.”

Leo couldn’t help smiling. “That could be fun.”

“Fun,” she said unhappily.

“Blue elephants.”

“Blue elephants.”

“Kiss me, you fool.”

“You fool.”

“No autographs, girls. I know you want some Leo time, but I’m way too cool. You better just hang around that ugly dweeb Narcissus. He’s lame!”

“You know how ugly Narcissus is?” Leo asked the crowd. “He’s so ugly, when he was born his mama thought he was a backward centaur—with a horse butt for a face.”

“You know why his bow has cobwebs?” Leo continued. “He uses it to hunt for dates, but he can’t find one!”

“I’m the Super-sized McShizzle, man!” Leo said. “I’m Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy.”

“Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus—only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever checks it out.”

“If I was as suck as you, I’d drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.”

“Scrawny?” Leo asked. “Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot. And I GOT the scrawny. Narcissus? He’s such a loser even the Underworld didn’t want him. He couldn’t get the ghost girls to date him.”

“Gods of Olympus.” Piper stared at Leo. “What happened to you?”

His hair was greased back. He had welding goggles on his forehead, a lipstick mark on his cheek, tattoos all over his arms, and a T-shirt that read HOT STUFF, BAD BOY, and TEAM LEO.

Leo opened her door and poked his head in. He had his hand over his eyes, which would’ve been a nice gesture if he hadn’t been peeking through his fingers. “You decent?”

“Leo!”

“Sorry.” He grinned. “Hey, nice Power Ranger jammies.”

“They are not Power Rangers! They’re Cherokee eagles!”

“What does Blackjack want?” she asked.

“Donuts,” Percy said. “Always donuts.

“Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus.”

Bacchus scratched his stubbly chin. “Ah…yes. John Green.”

“Jason Grace.”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay focused? Splitting headaches all the time! I never know

what I’m doing or where I’m going! Constantly grumpy!”

“That sounds pretty normal for you,” Percy said.

The god’s nostrils flared. One of the grape leaves on his hat burst into flame. “If we know each other from that other camp, it’s a wonder I haven’t already turned you into a dolphin.”

“It was discussed,” Percy assured him. “I think you were just too lazy to do it.”

Bacchus swung his staff through the air, though his potbelly almost threw him off balance. “Of course that was long before I invented wine and became an immortal. I fought side by side with the gods and some other demigod…Harry Cleese, I think.”

“Heracles?” Piper suggested politely.

“Knocked out twice in two days,” he muttered. “Some demigod.” He glanced sheepishly at Percy. “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to blast you.”

Percy’s shirt was peppered with burn holes. His hair was even more disheveled than normal. Despite that, he managed a weak laugh. “Not the first time. Your big sister got me good once at camp.”

“Yeah, but…I could have killed you.”

“Or I could have killed you,” Percy said.

Jason shrugged. “If there’d been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.”

“I don’t need an ocean—”

“Boys,” Annabeth interrupted, “I’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.”

“If you say so,” Otis sighed. “Though I still think those ballerina costumes from Swan Lake would look lovely—”

“No ballet!”

“Sorry.”

He remembered his first day at Camp Half-Blood, five years ago, when he’d woken from a daze and found Annabeth standing over him. She had said, You drool when you sleep.

She was sentimental that way.

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “Percy, you’ll be seventeen in two months. You can’t seriously be worried about getting into trouble with Coach Hedge.”

“Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?”

Percy’s pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn’t from fear of getting into trouble. “Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?”

“You’d better,” Annabeth said. “Because I’m not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you’re at it.”

“How does that thing even work?” Percy asked.

“No idea,” Annabeth said. “And I’m the only one besides Leo who can operate it.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“It should be fine. It’s only threatened to blow up once.”

“You’re kidding, I hope.”

Percy gulped. “You mean we’re sitting on doors? What if they opened?”

“I suppose we’d fall to our deaths. But they won’t open. Most likely.”

“Great.”

When he woke, daylight was coming through the glass floor, and a boy’s voice said, “Oh…You are in so much trouble.”

Percy had seen Frank surrounded by cannibal ogres, facing down an unkillable giant, and even unleashing Thanatos, the god of death. But he’d never seen Frank look as terrified as he did now, finding the two of them passed out in the stables.

“Never in my life!” Coach bellowed, waving his bat and knocking over a plate of apples. “Against the rules! Irresponsible!”

“Coach,” Annabeth said, “it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep.”

“Besides,” Percy said, “you’re starting to sound like Terminus.”

Hedge narrowed his eyes. “Is that an insult, Jackson? ’Cause I’ll—I’ll terminus you, buddy!”

“Great,” Percy said. “We should take one more. Annabeth—”

“Oh, no!” Coach Hedge barked. “Young lady, you are grounded.”

Annabeth stared at him like he was speaking a foreign language. “Excuse me?”

“You and Jackson are not going anywhere together!” Hedge insisted. He glared at Percy, daring him to mouth off. “I’ll go with Frank and Mr. Sneaky Jackson. The rest of you guard the ship and make sure Annabeth doesn’t break any more rules!”

Wonderful, Percy thought. A boys’ day out with Frank and a bloodthirsty satyr, to find salt water in a landlocked city.

“This,” he said, “is going to be so much fun.”

“But do you realize what happened on this hill? Frank Zhang, you should know!”

Frank flinched. “I should?”

“A son of Ares stood here!” Hedge cried indignantly.

“I’m Roman…so Mars, actually.”

“Whatever! Famous spot in the American Civil War!”

“I’m Canadian, actually.”

Hedge ran to the glass. He held up his palms like: What are you doing in there, Jackson?

Percy pounded his fist on the glass and mouthed: Break it!

Hedge yelled a question that might have been: Where’s Frank?

Percy pointed at the giant koi.

Frank waved his left dorsal fin. ’Sup?

“Do we get WANTED posters?” Leo asked. “And do they have our bounties, like, broken down on a price list?”

Hazel wrinkled her nose. “What are you talking about?”

“Just curious how much I’m going for these days,” Leo said. “I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe…but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?”

“Okay.” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—?”

Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”

Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.

Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.

“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.”

“A helicopter table,” Percy muttered. “Gotta admit, that’s cool. What’s in the bag?”

“Dirty demigod laundry,” Leo said. “I hope you don’t mind, Frank.”

“Oh.” Frank tried it. It worked. “Thanks, but…couldn’t you have just shown me on the handcuffs without the 3-D program and the calculations?”

Annabeth hesitated. Sometimes wisdom came from strange places, even from giant teenaged goldfish.

“I guess you’re right. That was silly. I learned something too.”

“Aphrodite,” she said.

“Venus?” Hazel asked in amazement.

“Mom,” Piper said, with no enthusiasm.

“Girls!” The goddess spread her arms like she wanted a group hug.

Octavian made a squeaking sound. “What was that for? I didn’t say toss it! That could’ve been evidence. Or spoils of war!”

Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation.

“You other two…” He pointed his blade at Hazel and Piper. “Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus—”

All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth’s dagger.

“You dropped this,” he said, totally poker-faced.

Annabeth threw her arms around him. “I love you!”

Coach Hedge came pounding up the stairs with Hazel at his hooves.

“Where are they?” he demanded. “Who do I kill?”

“No killing!” Annabeth ordered. “Just defend the ship!”

“But they interrupted a Chuck Norris movie!”

“Never seen Jason fly before,” Percy grumbled. “He looks like a blond Superman.”

“Valdez,” said Coach Hedge, with surprising gentleness. “Let me take the wheel. You’ve been steering for two hours.”

“Two hours?”

“Yeah. Give me the wheel.”

“Coach?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“I can’t unclench my hands.”

“Actually, yes,” Leo said. “According to Festus, our flying table, Buford, made it back safely while we were in Charleston, so those eagles didn’t get him. Unfortunately, he lost the laundry bag with your pants.”

“Dang it!” Frank barked, which Leo figured was probably severe profanity for him.

They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: Gotta Kill ’Em All, and Leo really didn’t want to know why.

“Don’t lean over,” he advised. “Don’t close your eyes. It makes the queasiness worse.”

“It does? Do you get seasick too?”

“Not seasick. But cars make me nauseous, and…”

He stopped himself. He wanted to say talking to girls, but he decided to keep that to himself.

“Cars?” Hazel straightened with difficulty. “You can sail a ship or fly a dragon, but cars make you sick?”

“I know, right?” Leo shrugged. “I’m special that way. Look, keep your eyes on the horizon. That’s a fixed point. It’ll help.”

“Frank didn’t drop you on purpose,” she said. “He’s not like that. He’s just a little clumsy sometimes.”

“Oops,” Leo said, in his best Frank Zhang voice. “''Dropped Leo into a squad of enemy soldiers. Dang it''!

“Ha!” Rufus barked when he saw it. He started to lean down, but Hazel yelped, “No, please!” as if she was genuinely concerned for the big goon.

That’s when Fake Leo strolled over.

Here it comes, Leo thought. Fake Leo is gonna bust out some Coach Hedge–style jujitsu and save the day.

Instead, Fake Leo put the top of the dunce cap to his mouth like a megaphone and yelled, “CUT!”

He said it with such authority all the other kids momentarily froze. Even Rufus straightened and backed away in confusion.

One of the little boys snickered under his breath: “Hammy Sammy.”

Sammy… Leo shivered. Who the heck was this kid?

Sammy/Fake Leo stormed up to Rufus with his dunce cap in his hand, looking angry. “No, no, no!” he announced, waving his free hand wildly at the other kids, who were gathering to watch the entertainment.

Sammy turned to Hazel. “Miss Lamarr, your line is…” Sammy looked around in exasperation. “Script! What is Hedy Lamarr’s line?”

“‘No, please, you villain!’” one of the boys called out.

“Thank you!” Sammy said. “Miss Lamarr, you’re supposed to say, No, please, you villain! And you, Clark Gable—”

The whole courtyard burst into laughter. Leo vaguely knew Clark Gable was an old-timey actor, but he didn’t know much else. Apparently, though, the idea that Flathead Rufus could be Clark Gable was hilarious to the kids.

“Mr. Gable—”

“No!” one of the girls cried. “Make him Gary Cooper.”

More laughter. Rufus looked as if he were about to blow a valve. He balled his fists like he wanted to hit somebody, but he couldn’t attack the entire school. He clearly hated being laughed at, but his slow little mind couldn’t quite work out what Sammy was up to.

Leo nodded in appreciation. Sammy was like him. Leo had done the same kind of stuff to bullies for years.

“Right!” Sammy yelled imperiously. “Mr. Cooper, you say, Oh, but the diamond is mine, my

treacherous darling! And then you scoop up the diamond like this!”

“Sammy, no!” Hazel protested, but Sammy snatched up the stone and slipped it into his pocket in one smooth move.

He wheeled on Rufus. “I want emotion! I want the ladies in the audience swooning! Ladies, did Mr. Cooper make you swoon just now?”

“No,” several of them called back.

“There, you see?” Sammy cried. “Now, from the top!” he yelled into his dunce cap. “Action!”

Sammy scooped up Hazel’s smashed lunch, made a show of dusting off the canvas bag, and presented it to her with a deep bow, as if it were her crown. “Miss Lamarr.”

Hazel from the past took her ruined lunch. She looked like she was about to cry, but Leo couldn’t tell if that was from relief or misery or admiration. “Sammy…Rufus is going to kill you.”

“Ah, he knows better than to tangle with me.” Sammy plopped the dunce cap on top of his jockey cap.

He stood up straight and stuck out his scrawny chest. The dunce cap fell off.

Hazel laughed. “You are ridiculous.”

“Why, thank you, Miss Lamarr.”

“You’re welcome, my treacherous darling.”

Sammy’s smile wavered. The air became uncomfortably charged. Hazel stared at the ground. “You shouldn’t have touched that diamond. It’s dangerous.”

“Ah, come on,” Sammy said. “Not for me!”

Hazel studied him warily, like she wanted to believe it. “Bad things might happen. You shouldn’t—”

“I won’t sell it,” Sammy said. “I promise! I’ll just keep it as a token of your flavor.”

Hazel forced a smile. “I think you mean token of my favor.”

“There you are! We should get going. It’s time for our next scene: Hedy Lamarr nearly dies of boredom in English class.”

Sammy held out his elbow like a gentleman, but Hazel pushed him away playfully. “Thanks for being there, Sammy.”

“Miss Lamarr, I will always be there for you!” he said brightly. The two of them raced back into the schoolhouse.

Percy yelled, “What’s going— Gah! Shrimpzilla!”

“Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?”

“No!”

“Me neither,” Leo admitted.

Frank levitated nearby in meditation position. With his chubby face and his grumpy expression, he looked like a Buddha who’d achieved enlightenment and wasn’t thrilled about it.

“So what are you guys, exactly?”

“Ichthyocentaurs,” Aphros said, like it was a question he was tired of answering.

“Uh, icky what?”

“We have trained all the famous mer-heroes! Name a merhero, and we have trained him or her!”

“Oh, sure,” Leo said. “Like…um, the Little Mermaid?”

Aphros frowned. “Who? No! Like Triton, Glaucus, Weissmuller, and Bill!”

“Oh.” Leo had no idea who any of those people were. “You trained Bill? Impressive.”

“You teach combat, I guess.”

Aphros threw up his hands in exasperation. “Why does everyone assume that?”

Leo glanced at the massive sword on the fish-guy’s back. “Uh, I don’t know.”

“So, great. This is Camp…what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?”

Aphros frowned. “I hope that was a joke. This is Camp __________.” He made a sound that was a series of sonar pings and hisses.

“Incredible,” Jason said. “These are really good brownies.”

“That’s your only comment?” Piper demanded.

He looked surprised. “What? I heard the story. Fish-centaurs. Merpeople. Letter of intro to the Tiber River god. Got it. But these brownies—”

“I know,” Frank said, his mouth full. “Try them with Esther’s peach preserves.”

“That,” Hazel said, “is incredibly disgusting.”

“Pass me the jar, man,” Jason said.

Hazel and Piper exchanged a look of total exasperation. Boys.

Percy, for his part, wanted to hear every detail about the aquatic camp. He kept coming back to one point: “They didn’t want to meet me?”

“It wasn’t that,” Hazel said. “Just…undersea politics, I guess. The merpeople are territorial. The good news is they’re taking care of that aquarium in Atlanta. And they’ll help protect the Argo II as we cross the Atlantic.”

Percy nodded absently. “But they didn’t want to meet me?”

Whenever Percy stopped by to see her, she was so lost in thought that the conversation went something like this:

Percy: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Annabeth: “Uh, no thanks.”

Percy: “Okay…have you eaten anything today?”

Annabeth: “I think Leo is on duty. Ask him.”

Percy: “So, my hair is on fire.”

Annabeth: “Okay. In a while.”

Percy hoped the ancient lands wouldn’t be as bad as they’d heard. But it was almost like a commercial: You’ll notice the difference immediately!

“Medusa is your mom?” he asked. “Dude, that sucks for you.”

Percy blinked. “So your brother is a winged horse. But you’re also my half brother, which means all the flying horses in the world are my…You know what? Let’s forget it.”

“Behold!” Percy shouted. “The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!”

Then he gasped and pointed to the spot where Frank was hiding. “Oh, no! Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!”

Nothing happened.

“I said,” Percy repeated, “Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!”

Frank stumbled out of nowhere, making a big show of grabbing his throat. “Oh, no,” he said, like he was reading from a teleprompter. “I am turning into a crazy dolphin.”

The words were hard to get out, but Percy managed not to gag. “We give this ship to you as tribute. We hope you like it.”

“Six million in gold,” Leo muttered. “He’d better like it.”

It was as if the city knew about Percy’s dream of Gaea. It knew that the earth goddess intended on razing all human civilization, and this city, which had stood for thousands of years, was saying back to her: You wanna dissolve this city, Dirt Face? Give it a shot.

Coach Hedge grunted. “That’ll give me time to eat the coconuts—I mean dig the coconuts out of our hull. Percy, Annabeth…I don’t like you two going off on your own. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over.”

Percy hated it. He would’ve preferred to fight any monster in the world. He would’ve preferred a rematch with Chrysaor. But he forced himself to stay in his chair and watch as Annabeth motored off through the streets of Rome with Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn.

She debated which way to go. The tunnel seemed the same in both directions. Then, about fifty feet to her left, the Mark of Athena blazed against the wall. Annabeth could swear it was glaring at her with those big fiery eyes, as if to say, ''What’s your problem? Hurry up!''

She was really starting to hate that owl.

Annabeth thought she knew pain. She had fallen off the lava wall at Camp Half-Blood. She’d been stabbed in the arm with a poison blade on the Williamsburg Bridge. She had even held the weight of the sky on her shoulders.

But that was nothing compared to landing hard on her ankle.

Annabeth sat up and glared at her ankle.

“You had to break,” she scolded it.

The ankle did not reply.

“Next time,” she muttered to the dark room, “just let me fight a monster. Much easier.”

Above the open doorway, the Mark of Athena blazed to life against the arch. The fiery owl seemed to be watching her expectantly, as if to say:'' About time. Oh, you want monsters? Right this way!''

Annabeth wondered if that burning mark was based on a real sacred owl. If so, when she survived, she was going to find that owl and punch it in the face.

“I never thought I’d get to see Rome,” Hazel said. “When I was alive, I mean the first time, Mussolini was in charge. We were at war.”

“Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?”

Hazel stared at him like he was an alien. “BFFs?”

“Never mind.”

“I’d love to see the Trevi Fountain,” she said.

“There’s a fountain on every block,” Leo grumbled.

“Or the Spanish Steps,” Hazel said.

“Why would you come to Italy to see Spanish steps?” Leo asked. “That’s like going to China for Mexican food, isn’t it?”

“You’re hopeless,” Hazel complained.

“So I’ve been told.”

The entrance had a triangular roof, typical Roman columns, and an inscription across the top: M. AGRIPPA something or other.

“Latin for Get a grip?” Leo speculated.

Leo listened to the Spanish tour guide for a few seconds, and then he reported to his friends, “This is the Pantheon. It was originally built by Marcus Agrippa as a temple to the gods. After it burned down, Emperor Hadrian rebuilt it, and it’s been standing for two thousand years. It’s one of the best-preserved Roman buildings in the world.”

Frank and Hazel stared at him.

“How did you know that?” Hazel asked.

“I’m naturally brilliant.”

“Centaur poop,” Frank said. “He eavesdropped on a tour group.”

“Romans must’ve been small.” Leo looked at Frank appraisingly. “You’ll need to change into

something thinner to get through here.”

“That’s not nice!” Hazel chided.

“What? Just saying—”

Frank scowled. “We can’t let you go by yourself. You could get hurt.”

“Frank, I can take care of myself,” she said. “Underground is my specialty. It’s safest for all of us if I go first.”

“Unless Frank wants to turn into a mole,” Leo suggested. “Or a prairie dog. Those things are

awesome.”

“Shut up,” Frank mumbled.

“Or a badger.”

Frank jabbed a finger at Leo’s face. “Valdez, I swear—”

“This is foolish,” said Lion Head. “You only delay your death.”

“Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies.”

“Leo Valdez!” the spirit howled. “Open this gate or I will kill you!”

“A fair and generous offer!”

The eidolons started pounding on the gates again.

“Who is it?” Leo called.

“Valdez!” Wolf Head bellowed.

“Valdez who?” Leo asked.

Hedge grudgingly agreed. “Stay where I can see you.”

“What are we, kids?” Jason asked.

Hedge snorted. “Kids are baby goats. They’re cute, and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids.”

“Please,” Percy said. “Try again.”

He pleaded with those sea-green eyes, like a cute baby seal that needed help. Piper wondered how Annabeth ever won an argument with this guy.

“Fine,” she sighed, and drew her dagger.

“While you’re at it,” said Coach Hedge, “see if you can get the latest baseball scores. Italians don’t cover baseball worth beans.”

Coach Hedge grunted. “It’s just two giants. If you guys want, I can take them.”

“Uh, Coach,” Jason said, “that’s a great offer, but we need you to man the ship—or goat the ship. Whatever.”

“All right,” he said. “But if any giants come this way—”

“Feel free to blast them,” Jason said.

“What about annoying tourists?”

“No,” they all said in unison.

“Bah. Fine. Just don’t take too long, or I’m coming after you with ballistae blazing.”

The central nymph turned her head. “Ah…names. We once had names. I was Hagno, the first of the nine!”

Piper thought it was a cruel joke that a hag like her would be named Hagno, but she decided not to say that.

Percy was tired of water.

If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Poseidon’s Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn’t care.

“Otis!” Ephialtes stumbled away from his control board, clutching the spear as he began to crumble into monster dust. “Will you please stop killing me!”

“We won’t give up,” Jason growled. “We’ll cut you into pieces like Jupiter did to Saturn.”

“That’s right,” Percy said. “You’re both dead. I don’t care if we have a god on our side or not.”

“Well, that’s a shame,” said a new voice.

To his right, another platform lowered from the ceiling. Leaning casually on a pinecone-topped staff was a man in a purple camp shirt, khaki shorts, and sandals with white socks. He raised his broadbrimmed hat, and purple fire flickered in his eyes. “I’d hate to think I made a special trip for nothing.”

“Hmm.” Bacchus sounded unimpressed. He strolled through the ruined props, platforms, and special effects.

“Tacky.” He waved his hand at a painted wooden gladiator, then turned to a machine that looked like an oversized rolling pin studded with knives. “Cheap. Boring. And this…” He inspected the rocketlaunching contraption, which was still smoking. “Tacky, cheap, and boring. Honestly, Ephialtes. You have no sense of style.”

“STYLE?” The giant’s face flushed. “I have mountains of style. I define style. I—I—”

“My brother oozes style,” Otis suggested.

“Good wind today,” Percy offered. “And there’re some water pipes running under the arena.”

Jason understood immediately. He laughed, and Percy felt a spark of friendship. This guy thought the same way he did about a lot of things.

“On three?” Jason said.

“Why wait?”

“Hey, Otis!” he shouted. “The Nutcracker bites!”

“You’re alive!” Percy said to the others. “The giants said you were captured. What happened?”

Leo shrugged. “Oh, just another brilliant plan by Leo Valdez. You’d be amazed what you can do with an Archimedes sphere, a girl who can sense stuff underground, and a weasel.”

“I was the weasel,” Frank said glumly.

Nico leaned on it like it was an old man’s cane. “Now I understand why Hades hasn’t been able to close the doors,” he said. “Even the gods don’t go into Tartarus. Even the god of death, Thanatos himself, wouldn’t go near that place.”

Leo glanced over from the wheel. “So let me guess. We’ll have to go there.”

In the old legends, Arachne had gotten into trouble because of pride. She’d bragged about her tapestries being better than Athena’s, which had led to Mount Olympus’s first reality TV punishment program: So You Think You Can Weave Better Than a Goddess? Arachne had lost in a big way.

With its golden clothes and its luminous ivory face, the Athena Parthenos was even scarier than Arachne. It gazed down sternly as if to say, Bring me tasty snacks or else.

“We’re staying together,” he promised. “You’re not getting away from me. Never again.”

Only then did she understand what would happen. ''A one-way trip. A very hard fall.''

“As long as we’re together,” she said.

Coach Hedge was too miserable to help. He kept pacing the deck with tears in his eyes, pulling at his goatee and slapping the side of his head, muttering, “I should have saved them! I should have blown up more stuff!”

Nemesis wanted him to wreak vengeance on Gaea? Leo would be happy to oblige. He was going to make Gaea sorry she had ever messed with Leo Valdez.

“Yeah.” He took one last look at the cityscape of Rome, turning bloodred in the sunset. “Festus, raise the sails. We’ve got some friends to save.”