Campfire Song is a song from The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical.
Lyrics[]
[spoken]
Luke: Come on, grab some Ambrosia, and let the Nectar flow.
Percy: Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire? Is the food here really that bad?
Luke: Offering to the gods. It’s not enough that they're omnipotent and all powerful, they need to feel appreciated. To the gods!
Ensemble: To the gods!
[sung]
Luke: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your parents run the universe.
Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your folks run the universe.
Luke: My dad is Hermes, he messengers things.
You'll know his sign by his shoes with those wings.
I'd wait by the phone, but the phone never rings, oh, no!
[Ensemble murmurs)
When your dad’s a god, life can be tough.
I met the guy once, and once was enough.
Random Background Person: Oh, I hear that!
[spoken]
Annabeth?
[sung]
Annabeth: My mom’s Athena, she’s smart and she’s wise.
She’s sworn off gluten and she’s sworn off guys.
If she came to camp, it'd be a surprise, oh no.
Luke and Katie: Oh no.
Oh, and my step-mom she hates me and my dad works all day.
So I left Virginia, and I ran away.
[spoken]
Percy: Wait. Is that true?
Luke: Everybody!
[sung]
Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse, when your parents run the universe.
Oh, things couldn’t be worse, when your folks run the universe.
[spoken]
Luke: Alright, who’s next?
Katie: Okay, let me see, uh...
[sung]
My mom’s Demeter, goddess of grain.
She gets excited when it starts to rain.
But planting, and planting, and planting's a pain! Oh, no.
Ensemble: Oh, no.
[spoken]
Katie: Right?
[sung]
For their sixteen birthdays my friends got a car.
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar.
[spoken]
Grover: Bahahaha! Ooh, my turn!
[sung]
I’m the child of Pan, god of the wild.
For those who love nature, they’re often beguiled.
He's not really my dad, but I’m sort of his child, oh no.
Ensemble: (unenthusiastically) Oh no.
Grover: He went for a hike, to explore new frontiers.
(Crying) And no one has seen him for thousands of years!
Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your parents run the universe.
Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your folks run the universe.
[spoken]
Percy: Hey Chiron, who’s your dad?
Chiron: Oh. Well...
[sung]
[silence]
Remember my lecture, he ate his children.
[spoken]
Luke: Chiron wins.
[ensemble murmurs in agreement]
Random Background Person: His dad’s definitely the worst.
Luke: How about you, Silena?
[sung]
Silena: The goddess of love, my mom’s Aphrodite.
She tries to be cool, but mainly she’s flighty.
I’ll bring home a boy, and she’s there in her nighties.
Ensemble: Oh, no!
[spoken]
Silena: It’s so embarrassing, guys!
[sung]
I try to seek help, from even the Fates.
But she steals my mascara and all of my dates.
[spoken]
Luke: Alright Percy, it’s your turn.
Ensemble: Yeah, (come on Percy!)
Percy: If I tried to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche.
Luke: We’re all friends here, come on, give it a shot.
Percy: Okay, um...
[sung]
Percy: My mom was named Sally, she loved scary movies,
And food that was blue, and-
[spoken]
Katie: He’s doing it wrong.
Silena: Yeah, who’s your godly parent?
Percy: Oh, I don’t know.
Luke: It's alright, a lot of half-bloods never know their godly parent. Just give it a try.
[sung]
Percy: So my dad is some god, that’s great, I guess.
Did he not want me or not want the stress?
Too bad he’s the worst, and my life is a mess! Oh no...
Ensemble: Oh yeah, Percy!
Percy: I hope he shows even a trace,
Cause I've got some choice words to throw in his face!
[ensemble cheers]
Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your parents run the universe.
Oh, things couldn’t be worse.
Luke: But I don’t care where our parents may be,
As long as you you are here with me.
Ensemble: We don’t care where our parents may be,
As long as you are here with me.
As long as you are here with me!