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This article is written from a real world point of view.

Campfire Song is a song from The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical.

Lyrics

[spoken]
Luke: Come on, grab some Ambrosia, and let the Nectar flow.

Percy: Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire? Is the food here really that bad?

Luke: Offering to the gods. It’s not enough that they're omnipotent and all powerful, they need to feel appreciated. To the gods!

Ensemble: To the gods!

[sung]
Luke: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your parents run the universe.

Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your folks run the universe.

Luke: My dad is Hermes, he messengers things.
You'll know his sign by his shoes with those wings.
I'd wait by the phone, but the phone never rings, oh, no!

[Ensemble murmurs)

When your dad’s a god, life can be tough.
I met the guy once, and once was enough.

Random Background Person: Oh, I hear that!

[spoken]

Annabeth?

[sung]

Annabeth: My mom’s Athena, she’s smart and she’s wise.
She’s sworn off fluting and she’s sworn off guys.
If she came to camp, it'd be a surprise, oh no.

Luke and Katie: Oh no.

Oh, and my step-mom she hates me and my dad works all day.
So I left Virginia, and I ran away.

[spoken]

Percy: Wait. Is that true?

Luke: Everybody!

[sung]

Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse, when your parents run the universe.
Oh, things couldn’t be worse, when your folks run the universe.

[spoken]

Luke: Alright, who’s next?

Katie: Okay, let me see, uh...

[sung] My mom’s Demeter, goddess of grain.
She gets excited when it starts to rain.
But planting, and planting, and planting's a pain! Oh, no.

Ensemble: Oh, no.

[spoken]

Katie: Right?

[sung]

For their sixteen birthdays my friends got a car.
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar.

[spoken]

Grover: Bahahaha! Ooh, my turn!

[sung]

I’m the child of Pan, god of the wild.
For those who love nature, they’re often beguiled.
He's not really my dad, but I’m sort of his child, oh no.

Ensemble: (unenthusiastically) Oh no.

Grover: He went for a hike, to explore new frontiers.
(Crying) And no one has seen him for thousands of years!

Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your parents run the universe.

Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your folks run the universe.

[spoken]

Percy: Hey Chiron, who’s your dad?

Chiron: Oh. Well...

[sung]

Chiron: My father is Kronos.

[silence]

Remember my lecture, he ate his children.

[spoken]

Luke: Chiron wins.

[ensemble murmurs in agreement]

Random Background Person: His dad’s definitely the worst.

Luke: How about you, Silena?

[sung]

Silena: The goddess of love, my mom’s Aphrodite.
She tries to be cool, but mainly she’s flighty.
I’ll bring home a boy, and she’s there in her nighties.

Ensemble: Oh, no!

[spoken]

Silena: It’s so embarrassing, guys!

[sung]

I try to seek help, from even the Fates.
But she steals my mascara and all of my dates.

[spoken]

Luke: Alright Percy, it’s your turn.

Ensemble: Yeah, (come on Percy!)

Percy: If I tried to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche.

Luke: We’re all friends here, come on, give it a shot.

Percy: Okay, um...

[sung]

Percy: My mom was named Sally, she loved scary movies,
And food that was blue, and-

[spoken]

Katie: He’s doing it wrong.

Silena: Yeah, who’s your godly parent?

Percy: Oh, I don’t know.

Luke: It's alright, a lot of half-bloods never know their godly parent. Just give it a try.

[sung]

Percy: So my dad is some god, that’s great, I guess.
Did he not want me or not want the stress?
Too bad he’s the worst, and my life is a mess! Oh no...

Ensemble: Oh yeah, Percy!

Percy: I hope he shows even a trace,
Cause I've got some choice words to throw in his face!

[ensemble cheers]

Ensemble: Oh, things couldn’t be worse,
When your parents run the universe.
Oh, things couldn’t be worse.

Luke: But I don’t care where our parents may be,
As long as you you are here with me.

Ensemble: We don’t care where our parents may be,
As long as you are here with me.
As long as you are here with me!

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